Backfired, a Smallville story by Glacis. Rated NC17, no copyright infringement intended.

"You did WHAT?"

Lex Luthor, Senator from Kansas, Majority Leader and on the Fast Track to the Presidency, stared at the thugs cluttering up his office in shock and wondered how badly a murder conviction would hurt his chances at the White House.

"We killed Superman for you, Mr. Luthor," the grinning ape repeated.

Lex was reaching for the .357 in his drawer when the second idiot blithered, "And he never saw it coming!"

"Leaving aside the question of why I would want the bastion of Truth, Justice and the American Way removed," Lex hissed, "it's not possible." His glare would have melted them to slag if they'd had the sense to realize it. As it was they kept babbling, obviously expecting praise if not an actual monetary reward for their imaginary brilliance.

"Kryptonite!" the lead ape babbled, and Lex froze. They knew. Too much.

Well, shit. That was a bad sign. Now he had to kill them.

He was flicking the safety off as Ape Number Two giggled, "Not that he knew it. We were clever, you see," he paused as if to give Lex the opportunity to applaud his nonexistent intelligence. Lex's trigger finger twitched. The ape frowned and went on, earnestly, "'Cause we didn't use the regular old green stuff, no. We figured he'd be expecting that, take precautions."

The idiot nodded, like a bobble-headed figurine on the dash of a lowslung car when it goes over a speed bump. Lex would have shot them both already if it weren't for the morbid curiosity beginning to stir in him.

"What did you use?" he asked in a deceptively even tone. Anyone who knew him would have run, cowered, or fainted at that point. The two apes beamed at him.

"Red meteor rock! We found some by the--"

The voice babbled on, but Lex was galvanized into action and didn't bother listening. Dropping the gun back in the drawer he hit the intercom button. "Mercy! Get out of the--"

A strangled scream, abruptly cut off, echoed tinnily through the speaker, then the door of his office flew open to rebound noisily against the wall. Framed in the door stood Superman, booted feet planted wide apart, cape flying in the breeze created by the air conditioning, single curl falling fetchingly over his wide brow... incredibly goofy grin on his face and a feral gleam in his eye.

"Well, shit," Lex said out loud. Flipped another button. "Hope, keep the area clear. Turn off the monitors." She'd know exactly what he meant. "As an assassination attempt, that backfired big-time," he told the stupefied thugs.

Goofy grin still in place, Supes strode into the room and picked both apes up. In one hand.

"Hiya, Sexy!" he crooned. "Want me to throw out the garbage before we ... talk?"

The leer looked dreadful, clashing with the grin. Lex gulped. "Sure." Supes drew back his arm and started to throw both pitifully screaming thugs off the balcony.

The thirtieth floor balcony.

"Uhm, no," Lex backpedaled. "Not out the window. How about that way?" He pointed to the still-open door, through which he could see the excited, frightened, and aghast faces of his staff firmly held at bay by Hope, who looked a little pole-axed herself.

"Good idea, babe!" Superman approved. Lex was still reeling from the casual endearment (as was most of his staff, from the concerted gasp that rose from them) when Supes strode back to the door. "Bowling for turkeys!" he crowed, and scattered the assorted onlookers by the simple action of throwing the gibbering apes at them.

Then he slammed the door. Lasered the jamb all the way round to seal them in, and turned to Lex with a decidedly predatory look. Combined with the leer and the grin, it made Lex queasy.

Or aroused. He had a hard time telling which.

Before he could make a decision, a blur of red and blue attacked him, leaving him spread-eagled, naked, across the top of his desk. Naked, of course, except for the dully-glinting green Kryptonite ring on his hand. Superman gave him a disgruntled look.

"You really shouldn't wear that all the time, you know. It's not good for humans. I mean, it's bad for me, but it's not healthy for you, either." Then he reached down, slid it off Lex's finger, and threw it out the window, faster than Lex's eye could follow.

"Ouch," Superman grimaced, shaking his fingers, then beamed down at Lex again. "Cool! Now we can party!"

"Oh, god," Lex groaned. "Are you permanently stuck in the last century?"

Superman ignored the question. Whipped out of his silly tights and cape before Lex noticed he wasn't being held down, and caught hold of Lex before he could escape once he did notice. Stretched Lex's legs out and wrapped them around his neck. Leaned in and sucked Lex down like a Hoover on high speed.

Lex was too busy screaming and coming to ask any more questions.

"Yum," Superman told Lex, licking his lips, as Lex stared back, eyes as wide open as his mouth, wondering if he was going to survive the experience.

Then the world tilted, and Lex found himself draped on his belly with his legs hanging over the side of his desk, his sensitive bits protected by a big inhumanly strong hand as an enthusiastic tongue went to work on his ass.

Lex was vaguely aware that there was more screaming going on, and it was distantly irritating, but he was too busy getting turned inside out ass-end first to be bothered about it. Then Superman moved, and Lex gulped for air, and the entire desk (perhaps the entire building, as far as Lex was concerned the entire world) began to shake as Supes fucked him into the middle of next week.

"Superman?" he rasped.

The hand at his crotch zoomed up to cradle his chest and Lex found himself rotated on Superman's cock like wool on a spindle. "Shhhhhhhhit!" he bellowed, and came again. There wasn't much left in his balls to come out, but what there was felt so good it hurt, and he whimpered as Superman just kept thrusting all the way through it.

"Call me Clark, Lexy," Supes hummed as he pumped. "I miss that. I miss you. I miss us." He grunted, hunched over and came, and Lex tried his best to come a third time as he felt it bubbling up inside him then dripping slowly back out. Lex was still whining pathetically when Superman -- no, Clark -- said cheerfully, "I should have done this a long time ago!"

Lex couldn't help but agree. Not that he had much choice. In anything. For quite some time.

Not that he would have complained if he could.

Almost four hours later, when Lex was a wrung-out, mindless, boneless mess desperate for a bottle of water and Clark had come nine times, the firemen finally cut through the steel reinforced walls and turned the hose on Clark. The high-pressure water wasn't enough to actually knock him off Lex, whom he was still happily humping, but it did rinse the last of the red powder off Superman's skin.

Lex knew the instant Clark came back to his senses.

Pitiful green eyes stared down at him through limp black curls, dripping water in Lex's face. "Oh, god, are you okay?" he blurted.

"Turn off the hose and get the hell out of here," Lex tried to order the firemen. His voice broke. Hope echoed the command, more politely and a lot more loudly. She also blockaded the view again before the Inquisitor or Daily Planet newshounds could get any juicy pictures. Lex ignored the commotion in the next room and stared, silently, up at Clark. Letting him stew.

It was fun. It was also the most Lex had the energy to do. Clark had fucked all his stuffing out. Clark looked like he was going to start blubbering at any moment.

Another rush of wind, and Lex found himself dressed as fast as he'd been denuded. He was propped in his chair but started to slip right back out again, in part because the leather was slick from the fire hoses' spray, but also because his ass hurt like a son of a bitch plus his muscles were the consistency of mush and incapable of holding him upright. Clark caught him before he hit the floor and carried him over to a couch on the far side of the room.

The fact that Lex was now completely dressed while Clark was still completely naked gave Lex an illicit little thrill. Not that Clark noticed, since Lex was utterly drained and incapable of so much as a twitch, but it made Lex happy.

"I'm so so so sorry," Clark stammered. At least Lex thought he stammered, or it might have been emphasis, Lex couldn't tell. "It'll never happen again," Clark vowed.

He was at the window, pausing barely long enough to pull his silly costume on, when Lex got the wind to say, "Yes it will."

Clark whirled in place, hand stretching out toward Lex and head shaking as if to reassure him that no, it really wouldn't. Lex grinned. Showing teeth.

"I have it on tape. It'll happen again ... or Fox News gets an exclusive. And they'd show it. Uncut. Repeatedly. For weeks." Lex relished the look of absolute shock on Clark's face. Blank green eyes blinked at him for a long moment before there was any response.

"So. Friday?" Clark eventually asked. Tentatively.

"Ten. Sharp." Lex shifted, and winced. "I'll provide the lube."

"Might be late," Clark mumbled, blushing bright red, amusing Lex no end. "If there's, you know, an emergency. Rock slide in the Amazon, earthquake in Japan, you know ..."

"I'll be watching CNN. Don't try to duck out of it," Lex warned.

Faster than, well, a speeding bullet, Clark crossed the room, pecked Lex on the end of the nose and returned to the window. "I wouldn't think of it," he promised, then disappeared.

Lex settled back against the cushions and started planning his statement for the press. Something about terrorists, that ought to work ...

Friday night, at 9:59 pm, a breeze whipped through Luthor Mansion. Lex punched the button on the remote and CNN clicked off. He looked over to see Clark, naked, sprawled next to him on the bed.

"So," he drawled, "Wanna watch a movie?"

He never did hear the answer. He was too busy feeling the earth move.

end