I'll Show You Eunuch! The anti-Disney underbelly of the Pirates of the Caribbean (a teaser). A snippet with no claim of historical accuracy, actual plot, or serious intention whatsoever. In honor of the lovely team of Depp and Bloom; with fond memory of the favorite ride of an Anaheim kid who still remembers trading five A tickets for an E ticket ride.

"This is absolute bollocks, of course." Will Turner glared off into the distance, looking quite fetching in an underfed, chocolate-eyed, rather bemused sort of way.

Slinking behind him, making sure to drag his, er, equipment across the tight little rump so fetchingly displayed in the stretched woolen breeches, Jack Sparrow -- OUCH! Sorry! -- CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow smirked. He leaned forward to breathe into Will's ear, paused long enough to spit out feather fluff from the lad's impressive hat (Barbossa would be jealous if he weren't really, truly, actually dead), and rolled his eyes. Returning to the matter at hand from whatever realm of fantasy he'd been sidetracked into, he whispered seductively, "So, my eunuch, did you finally get your hands on your treasure?" His leer was dreadful.

Will shot him a pained look over his shoulder. "For the last time, I am NOT a eunuch, and what Elizabeth and I get up to in the privacy of our bedchamber is none of your concern!"

Jack's -- OUCH! Damnit! SORRY! -- CAPTAIN Jack's smirk intensified until all Will could see was the gleam in his eye and the gleam of his teeth. Gold AND silver. "Then why are you and I in a sleazy hole on Tortuga whilst your bride is away on the Revenge with Bonny and Read? She decide she'd rather BE a pirate than HAVE one? Or were you the wrong stripe of pirate for her tastes?"

Will sniffed. Disdainfully. He hoped. "You've a filthy mind," he declared.

Quick as a wink, Jack's -- stop that, I'm not going to call you captain when you're doing naughty things! -- JACK's arms came round Will's waist and dove down inside the front of his breeches. Busily working away, Jack crooned, "Ah, but you love it when I'm dirty, don't you, boy?"

Instead of leaping away as he really thought he should, Will shivered. His eyes crossed, his knees knocked, and his garbled reply spanned nearly two octaves.

He may not have been a eunuch, but he still had a lovely singing voice...

Coming eventually, the Sequel... or maybe Prequel... or perhaps Sidequel... I'll Show You Eunuch... Cursed Treasure!