Something to Moan About by seeker

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Nobody cared about her, nobody remembered her, nobody did anything but pick on her when they did happen to run across her accidentally -- in short, which no narrative was if Myrtle had her way, her death was as awful and lonely and picked-upon and hopeless as her life was. At least for a little while, before the Ministry made her stop stalking Olive, she had a little fun. Then again, fifty or so years later (not that the passage of time made much difference to a ghost, particularly one who lived in the pipes of an unused -- usually -- toilet) she'd got a little more excitement when she met Harry Potter, who was really quite cute and actually *listened* to her and almost died, which would have been wonderful, because maybe he might have been convinced to spend some time in her toilet with her.

From the eyeful she'd caught in the Prefect's bathroom a few years back, he could only have gotten, well, bigger, and that would be a treat. So maybe if he died now he'd be even more fun to hang around with, and perhaps she'd finally manage to do in death what she'd never managed to do in life, and that was nab herself a boyfriend.

Unfortunately, it had all been rather quiet ever since that Granger girl got herself half-turned into a cat, and hadn't that been funny? Myrtle bet all the girls had teased her to death about her tail, well, almost to death, or maybe Myrtle would have some company in the toilet, other than that wretched Peeves, always making fun of her spots. Anyway, nothing much had happened, beyond, of course, part of the castle being destroyed in a flash of light and dark magic that smelled like that nasty boy who hissed at whatever it was that had killed her -- Tom somebody or other -- not that she cared, really, although it had been nice that Peeves was too distracted with other things to pester her for awhile.

Perhaps it was time to make another little journey from her comfortable perch on the cistern and see what was happening round the pipes. Nobody ever came to the second floor girls' toilet any more, and quite honestly if she hadn't already been dead, not that anyone cared, she'd have expired from boredom. At this point even an accidental flush into the pond to be pointed at by merpeople would be an improvement.

Floating morosely through the pipes, the memory of the last time she'd visited the Prefects' Bath came to her mind and turned her a delicate shade of lavender silver. Harry couldn't have been much older than she was when she died, and showed promise of growing into a fine young man if he didn't die and get stuck at that age, which even then wouldn't be bad because at least he didn't have spots and his feet were really quite lovely and my, but his male parts weren't half bad either. What she'd managed to get a peek at before he covered them in bubbles, anyway. Perhaps she'd get lucky for a real change and startle him so badly he drowned and then he could come join her in her toilet. She sighed, rattling the pipes, and slid out through the tap at the sink furthest from the massive bathtub.

For the first time in fifteen years of life and fifty-six years of death, Myrtle's luck was nothing to moan at. Harry was indeed in the tub. Not only that, he'd grown, taller and broader and a bit hairier and altogether bigger everywhere. Not only that, while he was in the tub, he wasn't covered in bubbles. He was barely covered in water. And ... he was ... touching himself. And moaning.

Now that, THAT was something to moan about.

Not only that, he wasn't alone. A dark shape stood against the wall as if without it his legs would collapse beneath him, and she vaguely recognized one of the teachers, Potions or something, it was really after her time, but he was quite attractive in a mad, bad, dangerous, dark and kind of frightening way. Although he didn't really look all that frightening with his mouth hanging open and his eyes popping out and his cheeks all flushed and his hair all hanging in his face like that.

Actually, he looked rather cute. If she'd been corporeal, she'd've been tempted to lick him. Of course, if she'd been corporeal she'd've been seventy one years old and with her luck still spotty so even if he didn't make fun of her glasses like Olive had he might not want her to lick him. Though he did look like he might be rather delicious, what with the little panting noises he was making and the way he was saying 'no' that made it sound so much like 'please.'

Harry was moaning louder now, pulling Myrtle's attention away from the really VERY attractive man melting against the wall. Harry's hand was moving on his male parts and good heavens, but they had grown rather nicely at that, quite long really, rather big around, pink and shiny and leaking like Cedric had when the mermaid flashed her fins at him. Harry's hips were moving now and his eyes were opened wide, pinned on the man against the wall, saying all sorts of things like 'there's no reason not to now' and 'you know you want it again' and 'it's just the two of us' and 'since when have the rules applied between us' and 'please come over here' and 'touch me' and 'god' and 'I'm coming' before his eyes fell shut and his mouth fell open and he squirted, hard, and screamed "Severus!" with a hissing sound that was very similar to the way he'd sounded when he'd asked the tap to open to the Chamber of Secrets a few years back.

Severus, the very attractive man, groaned and staggered away from the wall, looking like he was heading for the door but there must've been some sort of invisible string holding him back because he turned around and stared at Harry again. Severus. So that was the man's name. What an odd name, fitting, really, he did look rather severe. Or he would if he wasn't touching himself through his robes and panting like a dog on a very hot afternoon who needed a long drink of cool water. He looked desperate and frustrated and sort of heart-broken and it actually looked very good on him.

Oh, but Harry must have felt better after squirting because he moved, swimming over to the side so that he could reach the hem of Severus' robe and tug on it, and that must have been where the invisible leash was coming from because Severus took off his clothes with movements much like those Myrtle herself made, slow, languorous, dazed, his eyes never leaving Harry, and it was the most singularly romantic thing Myrtle had ever seen, not that she had a lot to compare it with since when she'd been alive her entire life had been constrained by thick glasses and spots and Olive Hornby and since she'd died nobody'd cared enough to get close, not that she'd've chosen most any of the ghosts around Hogwarts because, really, what sort of choice was that? Headless people or Peeves. Disgusting.

Another moan, two, really, broke through before she sink back into her accustomed gloomy reverie, and her eyes widened behind her glasses until she thought they would fall right out of her head. Once Severus got all those black clothes off he was really really REALLY attractive, in a hairy, slender, elegant way no boy she'd ever seen had ever been, and she needed to spend more time in the pipes in the faculty's bathrooms if this was what she was missing, because it was quite, well, flustering. Although the only faculty bathroom she'd ever found herself in was the Headmaster's and that hadn't been very exciting at all, nothing like this, which was more than exciting because Severus had stepped into the water and Harry put his mouth around Severus' male parts and for some reason Myrtle was moaning right along with the men, although of course they couldn't hear her because she made quite certain they wouldn't. If they did they might stop and she most assuredly didn't want that to happen, because this was the single most exciting thing she'd ever seen.

Severus sat on the edge of the bath, well, balanced, really, and Harry gave him something to moan about indeed, as his mouth roamed all over the length and breadth of Severus' male parts, making them all shiny and very very large and standing straight out from the thick black hair in his lap like it was looking for something, and that something must've been Harry's tongue, because Harry lapped at it like a lolly and Severus arched back like he was in pain though from the way his nipples were getting all peak-y perhaps it didn't hurt as much as it sounded like. Must have felt quite good, in fact, judging by the way his hands were buried in Harry's hair, pulling his head this way and that as he moved his hips and pushed himself so far down Harry's throat it was a wonder Harry didn't choke to death ... and maybe Myrtle would get herself a boyfriend as well as a show if he did, and wouldn't that be grand?

But Severus didn't let it get that far, and Myrtle didn't know whether to bless him or curse him, because what he did next was even more exciting than what they'd done before. Severus pulled Harry up into his arms and kissed him, and it looked like they were trying to eat one another up, all lips and tongues winding around one another ... she could SEE that, and she had the vague feeling she should be disgusted or disapproving but all she could manage was feeling like she was going to melt at any moment ... then Harry broke away, and said something so low she almost couldn't hear it, though it sounded like he said 'fuck' and why would he curse at Severus when it was obvious they were both enjoying themselves?

Harry turned around, and Myrtle sighed in disappointment, certain the show was over and she was never going to be nearly this entertained ever again, then Harry bent over and Severus put his fingers inside Harry's bum, and Myrtle thought if she hadn't already been dead, not that anyone noticed or cared, she'd've died right there on the spot from shock.

Or maybe excitement.

Severus was whispering, sounding like the snake-thing she thought had probably killed her, only much warmer, somehow, and not frightening at all, not that he could be anywhere near as frightening as the creature that killed her, since he didn't have yellow eyes and he wasn't a huge snake, but was in fact a beautiful man who was doing obscene things with his tongue now to Harry's bum and causing Harry to make the most wonderful sounds.

From the way Harry was thrashing around it was a wonder Severus could keep hold of him, and it must have been too difficult because he was ... yes, he was LICKING all the way up Harry's spine, leaving behind little bite marks that disappeared as Severus moved up to lay along Harry's back. Myrtle realized she'd been floating closer only when she got a good close look as Harry put his hands back and held his bum apart and Severus worked his man parts into Harry's bum and surely it wouldn't all fit! But it did, slowly, with a great deal of the most incredible moaning coming from both men, and Myrtle had the vague wish for a corporeal body because she most desperately wanted to touch herself.

Since she couldn't, she did what she could, and that was get as close as possible without being discovered. Since most of her life and the vast majority of her death she'd been ignored anyway she knew rather a lot about going about without anyone noticing, and as usual, or perhaps unusually simply because the men were too involved in what they were doing to one another to notice rather than because she wasn't worth notice, well, they didn't notice. Made sense, because what they were doing to one another was all-involving, from Severus kissing the back of Harry's neck to Harry hunching his bum back every time Severus pushed his hips forward to Harry wrapping his hand around Severus' hand which was around Harry's man parts which were swelling up again. She wondered if it hurt. She couldn't tell from the way they were scrunching up their faces if it did or not but the moans sounded more happy than pained, so that was all right.

Moans turned to groans turned to incomprehensible pleas then to quiet little screams that echoed under the sound of the water bubbling in the bath as Harry squirted again, this time getting it all over Severus' hand, not that either seemed to care that they were getting messy. Particularly once Severus made a sound very much like a growl and bit at Harry's shoulder and shoved his hips very hard against Harry's bum. The moan he gave made Myrtle's hair stand on end, quite an accomplishment given some of the sounds she'd heard from some of the ghosts in Hogwarts, but this was a very different sort of standing-on-end and she rather thought she'd like to hear that sound again ... often ... so she could get that goose-pimply feeling all over herself like she did when Severus collapsed against Harry's back and lay there for awhile.

Just at the point where relief might have turned to boredom, Harry turned, and took Severus in his arms, and kissed him very tenderly. Nothing like the first kisses she'd seen that had been so hungry, but hungry in a different, more gentle sort of way. As if he never wanted to stop, and Severus kissed him back just as gently, just as hungrily. It was all ... quite romantic, really.

Harry pulled himself from the water and reached out a hand to steady Severus, but Myrtle missed whatever happened next because her eyes were glued to the sway of Harry's man parts, nestled up against Severus' man parts as they put their bodies next to one another and kissed some more. When they pulled apart they were both swelling, but they must have other appointments, because Harry said, "Tonight," and Severus sighed and answered in a rumbly sort of voice that made her stomach feel filled with butterflies, "The dungeon at nine." Severus gathered up his clothing and walked away buttoning what looked like hundreds of buttons, but he looked at Harry over his shoulder and if Myrtle hadn't already been stifling moans so they wouldn't hear her and stop that look alone would have made her moan aloud.

The next few moments were still lovely as she lurked in the shadows by the far sink and watched Harry rinse himself off. His shoulders were broad and his arms and legs were long, and his bum looked reddened, with finger-marks on the skin, and he hummed to himself, so he must have been happy. After he left, Myrtle sat on the cistern and pushed her glasses up and picked absently at a spot.

The sight and sound of them had been so intriguing for the first time since she met Harry Potter she actually hoped he DIDN'T die so he could come back to the Prefects' Bathroom and meet Severus and make all those lovely noises for her again. Firming her chin, she dove back into the pipes, having come to a decision. It was time to broaden her horizons. She was going to start haunting the pipes in the dungeon as well as the Prefect's Bathroom, on the off chance Harry and Severus might get together with their swelling man parts and their wonderful moans and take her mind off her woes again. She hadn't had that much fun since the Ministry made her quit stalking Olive Hornby.

Besides, she'd learned one thing from being banned from pestering Olive. She might be dead, but she wasn't stupid. She wasn't going to get caught this time, because if the Ministry made her quit stalking Harry and Severus, it would be worse than being dead. Then she'd really have something to moan about and she'd much rather spend her time listening to and watching them than moaning to herself all alone in the second floor girls' toilet, where no one ever came to see her, because nobody cared.

Popping out above the sink in the workroom in the dungeon, she was just in time to hide herself as Severus walked in, stripped off his robe, and began to wash himself. Humming soundlessly, making quite sure no one noticed her, as was her wont, Myrtle settled herself in and prepared to enjoy herself for as long as the show would last.

She hoped Harry and Severus lived for a very long time.

END